By Seema Chandwani | Twitter @SeemaChandwani
A new Bird Flu epidemic has gripped the UK! The public are being asked to be vigilant and report any cases immediately. Symptoms of contaminated birds include:
- Normally yellow coloured feathers which have turned blue
- Uncontrollable tendency to be hypocritical
- Severe amnesia or selective memory loss
- High levels of denial
It is believed the first case of this virus started in the Westminster area of the UK dating as far back as May 2010. Early signs of a mass threat to the public occurred when the under 25s realised that their University fees would be tripled despite earlier pledges this would not be the case. It is stated that the particular contaminated bird responsible had one of the worse cases of amnesia seen in modern times!
“Birds who are already contaminated are now targeting specific people in the community, concern for those who belong to anti cuts to public service groups are particularly told to be wary and take common sense precautions”
Explained Dr Bejam, a leading expert in Hypocrisy Related Illnesses
Members of the public who have already had ‘close-call’ encounters speak of shocking experiences.
“They have severe memory loss, forgetting their party is part of the government that is slashing budgets for public services; capping benefits to the most vulnerable; privatising schools, health services and the police, they are even using the word reform when they mean privatisation! What is even more sickening is they are attempting to come out in support of local anti cuts to public services groups despite being part of a government who are vocal about cutting the same public services. The worst kind is the ones who beg to have their photograph taken with us, so they can get local media coverage!”
Stated an angry Grassroots Protestor
Official advice to the public is to be cautious to the high levels of shameless and desperate behaviour being carried out by these birds. Steps are being taken with great success explains Dr Bejam:
“We are working hard to eradicate this problem, a mass cull of 336 contaminated birds took place on the 4th May 2012 and further smaller localised culls will be taking place across the country. We are confident that by 2015 we would have fully eliminated their existence although a few may survive however will be quarantined to a number of humiliating reality TV shows that have been established in recent years but will not pose any further threat to the public”.
This piece was also featured on Labour Left